ILU, Red Line

Someone committed suicide by standing on the tracks on the red line this afternoon, raising the question, "WTF?" I have to think that his rationale for this last action was to kill himself AND fuck up everyone's commute home. Selfish bastard. At least you could have done it this morning, when I have a copy of the Express with the crossword and sudoku to kill time with (extra sudoku if it's Friday! You couldn't have done it on a Friday?) and the prospect of a shorter day at work. Messing with the evening rush, dude, not cool.

And, oh yeah, RIP.

Back!

Fantastic trip to the beach. I, of course, brought the house down at karaoke, with some help from my 74-year-old aunt, named the "most adorable thing in Rehoboth" by the gay men sitting next to us. She got to the bar and headed straight to the dance floor, earning free shots for us and the interest of lesbians for her.

T-minus 30 hours

My packing list for the Annual Family Trip to the Beach, written in the order in which the items came to mind:
Pillow
Blanket
Tattoos
Glow in the dark shot glasses/necklaces/etc.
Hottie whistle
Solo cups
Oatmeal

Woo!

Score one for the girls!

Tonight was flipcup championships for Thursday kickball. A few of us got to the bar early, and decided to practice a bit. We asked a group of six guys if they wanted to play us, 6 on 2, and they were horrified. "Are you SURE you want to do that?" "We can't do that to you! Take some of our people!" "We're really good; I don't think you want to do this." "Blah, blah, blah." Erin and I insisted that, yes, we wanted to do three cups each and take them on, regardless of their supposed skills. What happened? We kicked their asses, that's what. I wish I had photographed the looks of astonishment and then embarrasment after the first ass-whooping.

Then they looked at our hands and claimed we were carnies. Foiled!

What time is it? WHO KNOWS?

I attended a free screening of Year One last night (wait for the DVD). Sony demands that all attendees of advance screenings relinquish their cell phones, something that the distributor of Star Trek didn't even request. My plans for pirating this soon-to-be classic film that's destined to sweep the Oscars having been foiled, I was forced to engage in "small talk" with my companions, without even those pre-movie quizzes that ask you to figure out who "Otm Shank" is.

I DID get ice cream, though, so a good night overall.

M Slash 1, DC 0

I am pleased to announce that I have emerged victorious in my fight against the Man. I went to traffic court yesterday to fight the parking ticket that was wrongly issued to me (or, at least, to a Subaru with the same tag number as my Pontiac), and had the ticket dismissed in about 3 minutes. The judge did a double-take when I answered “No” to the question “This ticket was issued to a Subaru with license plate number …, is this correct?”, and things just went uphill from there.

Shockingly (or not so), my story was not the most appalling of the group. One poor woman parked illegally in a street cleaning zone, got towed to a rush hour zone, then got towed from there to a meter, resulting in three tickets in a matter of hours. Luckily, the judge found the towing records in the system to verify her story, and dismissed the last two tickets. I assume that the towing company chose those spots on purpose so they could continue ticketing and get some sort of financial "thank you" from the city. Oh, DC!

Overheard conversation of the night

Drunk girl at the bar: "Let's slip-n-slide on the Mall until they kick us off!"
Friend: "Where will we get the water? We need a long hose."
DGATB: "COOLERS, BITCH! And a lot of water balloons."

GOTV!

Go here and vote for Looking to Score! We're the lime green team, and I'm the one with the ball.

A letter

Dear Rep. Issa,

You've found me out. I can't wait until the government passes this bill so I can stock up on children for my four weeks off per year. I hope they'll get this done by 2011, because that's when I'll be out of school and looking for work. That should also be enough time for me to get tired of having abortions, because we all know how much fun they are! If I'm still enjoying the delights of that procedure, then it'll be a difficult decision between that and four carefree weeks with a newborn. Do you think I can plan my pregnancies and adoptions for the summer, so I can spend a month at the beach? Although Christmas would be nice, too...but then they get stuck with that awful birthday/Christmas scenario. Whatevs, it's not like it'd be MY birthday!

Cheers,

M Slash

Metroooo

The air hasn't been working too well at Metro Center lately, so it feels as though you really are descending into the bowels of hell. Adding to the atmosphere has been a delightful collection of events, including a maintanence man boarding the car, entering the conductor's booth, and asking, "What's wrong with the train?" right before we start heading to Dupont Circle.

But the most jaw-dropping moment came late last week, while exiting the train at Metro Center. A mom had her two young kids with her, and held their hands as they made their way through the crowds on the platform. Another woman came running towards them, trying to catch the train. She had to sidestep the three of them, and, as she missed the train by seconds, yelled, "They're walking IN A LINE, HOLDING HANDS! Come on!"

Yes, because how ridiculous is it for a mother to hold her 4-year-old's hand while in a crowded place? I think that Metro etiquette campaign needs to address more than just giving up your seat.