We were getting anxious

Christmas is not only a time to reconnect with family, but also an opportunity to introduce your relatives to any new love interests one may have. My most favorite cousin Toast found herself in this situation this year, although the fine young gentleman did not arrive until 8:30, avoiding the majority of family. By the time they got to the house, only the most die-hard family members remained, only staying to meet the new man. Now, earlier in the day one of our aunts had remarked, "You either love us or hate us. We've scared off quite a few people." This is true; we do tend to inspire feelings on either end of the scale, not the middle.

Anyway, minutes after new boyfriend entered the house, one aunt launched into a story of how she had spent hours walking around with toilet paper hanging from her pants. And then followed that with (with a prompt from me, I will admit) an assertion that Jolly Rancher gelatin has the consistency of a baby's butt. All the while reinforcing my belief that it is best to marry the person first, THEN introduce him to the family. Divorces are expensive.

All in all, not a bad introduction to the family. Just remember Toast, at least there were no fart machines around. Just wait until the beach!

Cough, cough, cough

Christmas was much fun, and gave me a great deal of fodder for the blog, but let me start by saying that all the parents in Southern and Central New Jersey must take their kids to my cousin's street in December to prove that Santa is watching. Because the huge Santa staring down onto the unsuspecting public that sits in my relatives' window was one of the creepiest things I've seen in a long time.

Recent comments about M/

"You have a few rockstar qualities about you."
"Why do you boo the Starve?"
"LAME"
"I feel like I got run over by a big truck of fun."
"It must suck being an Eagles fan and knowing they suck more than the Redskins."
"...Sorry, I was giggling. KICKBALL?"
"Why do you need that extra " i " if you're not going to use it?"

54-13!

"What are you doing?!? He's on the team that beat us! You can't flirt with him!"
Those words were accompanied by a strong tug on my arm to get me away from the bar (I didn't know that exchanging 10 seconds of conversation could be considered "flirting") and a sharp rebuke. Let's just say that if we can't talk to people from teams that beat us, we'll be having many conversations amongst ourselves by the end of the season.

Also, varsity flipcup is hard work.

FYI

I would just like to point out, for a certain someone's information, that I do not see "dustbuster" listed on this page.

I can't wait for my letter

I was never a great athlete. So it was with great pride yesterday that I accepted a spot on a varsity team. Yes, I was named to the starting lineup of a flipcup squad. I didn't believe it at first, stepping aside to let others take their places. It wasn't until the captain asked why I wasn't joining them that it sunk in. We had a strong performance for a newly formed team, going 2-1. With some practice, I think we could be the team to beat this season. Fingers crossed.

Some realizations I've had lately

Searching has been much more fun ever since I discovered the "Elmer Fudd" language setting

Captain Kirk was better because he finds us cheap airfare and hotel rates

If someone you've just met refuses to get you a glowstick, he will eventually give in if you keep referring to him as "guy who wouldn't get me a glowstick."

McDonald's used to be racist against the Irish

My ode to silly hats will never make into our departmental newsletter (I even left room for it this quarter!)

Green apples make an excellent addition to a turkey sandwich

I am much better at trivia nights where the average age is under 35

Anyone who asks, after an hour of playing flipcup with no other drinking, "How does one know when one is drunk?" is NOT someone you want to be hanging out with later in the evening

I wish the Heat Miser were real, and that he'd save me from this damn season

Awwww

PROTEST!

Our last trivia night of the season was a success, if you judge success not by winning but by leaving the bar with large amounts of material goods. The trivia host gave us extra prizes, saying, "I like you guys the best." Who knew?!? We are an entertaining group, and the only team whose average age is under 30. And, as evidenced by the final night, we are not overly competitive assholes who argue that the answer key is wrong and make the host look stuff up on Wikipedia, only to have the key be proven right. I mean, I'm competitive, because it's fun to enjoy friendly competition, but really, who cares? You're playing for a Heineken bar set, not a million dollars, jackass.

Have you seen my socks?

Thanksgiving went on longer than intended, thanks to my cousin's husband who makes sure everyone's drink is never empty. The sign of a good bartender, yes, and one who won't mind if four of his in-laws have to crash at his house. The main highlight was when my cousin's wife told me that whenever she hears "Fat-bottomed Girls" she thinks of me. Finally! A theme song!

I went to Chadwick's in Friendship Heights on Saturday as part of a birthday bar crawl, and as we were walking up there I told my friend not to ask for free drinks, because at a 21st birthday there two years ago the bartender took some of the shots off the bill since the celebrant didn't ask for any freebies. Sure enough, as we were cashing out, the same bartender took a drink off the bill for the same reason.

Home!

What does driving on 95 over Thanksgiving have in common with going out to eat on Mother's Day? In both cases, you're joined by tons of people who only do it once a year. And who have no idea how to behave.

A thought

When Metro starts distributing the special farecards for the Inauguration, they should think about putting signs up that say DON'T PUT EXACT CHANGE ON THE CARD. Or else I foresee many angry tourists.

Big day!

Friends, my fame has reached a new level. This weekend, I was alerted to the fact that people are starting to make bets about my preferences. In this particular case, the president of Alabama chapter of the M Slash Fan Club was arguing with her brother about whether my favorite D1A college football team was Penn State or Maryland (it's Penn State), and decided to bet $5 and then ask me. Perhaps I should consider releasing a compendium of facts to resolve such disputes without resorting to text messages. Beware, though, there may be false information out there. Look for the M/ label on official products.

Wait, from DC to Bethesda?!?

As I was driving yesterday, I was listening to some Christmas music on 99.5 WJBR (Wilmington's easy listening station). After the song ended, they aired their hourly "this is who we are" bit, as radio stations do. Along with their slogan and call letters, they then listed the areas in which one can receive their signal. Usually, stations choose pairs of cities at the far reaches of the area, to show how strong and mighty the signal is. WJBR, on the other hand, chose to remind their listeners that you can hear them "from Newark to Newport!"


View Larger Map

Google maps tells me that will take you 17 minutes.

Helpful Tip! (I'm surprised, too)

I make a mean flan, and so often buy cans of sweetened condensed milk. Something I've noticed through the years, and that is true for every supermarket I've checked, is that this product is ALWAYS cheaper in the Hispanic Foods aisle than in the Baking Needs aisle.

Evidence (Both products are distributed by Nestle):

I have a witness!

As I was walking back from the break room with my usual post-lunch cup of coffee, I noticed a strange ticking noise. "Huh," I thought. "That's weird." Assuming it was the temperamental heating/cooling system, I continued on my way. When I rounded the corner to my hallway, I realized the ticking was still present. It was at this point that I held the cup up to my ear and realized my coffee was ticking.

What does this mean? Has someone invented a rather impressive bomb that involves Flavia packets? Did I commit some grave offense against a coffee bean, and this is my own Tell-Tale Heart?

Uhhhh

There is something very disturbing about sitting next to someone at Borders who's reading The Essential Hitler. And no, I was not sitting next to myself, as someone asked.

Guess how many I've bought!

Since we’re a mere five weeks from Christmas, I know you're all starting to think about what to buy your loved ones. I thought I’d throw out a few ideas you may not have thought of:

1) Do you know someone who’s tried to enjoy the writings of Borges, but who wished there were a way to both read his works AND understand what the hell he’s talking about? Or have you ever someone say, “I wonder what Borges thought about King Kong?” Then perhaps you should consider Borges: Selected Non-fictions. He writes “like a subequatorial Camus, with a dash of Siskel and Ebert on the side.” Why, just take a peek at the first paragraph from his essay, “The Nothingness of Personality”:

I want to tear down the exceptional preeminence now generally awarded to the self, and I pledge to be spurred on by concrete certainty, and not the caprice of an ideological ambush or a dazzling intellectual prank. I propose to prove that personality is a mirage maintained by conceit and custom, without metaphysical foundation or visceral reality. I want to apply to literature the consequences that issue from these premises, and erect upon them an aesthetic hostile to the psychologism inherited from the last century, sympathetic to the classics, yet encouraging to today’s most unruly tendencies.

Now, who wouldn’t like to curl up with 520 pages of that on a snowy evening?!? *

2) Putting books online is so 2007. Prove you're up on the latest trends by giving someone a book based on a website! Finally, a way have a bit of the internet wherever you go!

3) If you've got some money to spare, and want to throw this fact in other people's faces, this book should be first on your list. Please think to include a stand for displaying it.

4) In the new economy, we may need to stock up on goods for a new career:

4a) This will be useful for many trips to the store or bank

4b) Great vehicle if you must leave your safehouse after the rioting starts

4c) Not all of us may be able to afford hot water. These figures may underestimate demand, so there's an opening in the market!

5) Finally, if you know someone who's always secretly wanted hot-pink hair, but who doesn't have the guts to walk around with it, here's a solution!

* If you are unfamiliar with the prose of J.L. Borges (and even if you're not!), check out one of my most favorite pieces on McSweeney's.

An Open Letter

Dear Obama Supporters Hoping to Come for the Inauguration,

Hello.

I write this letter out of concern. The latest projection of how many of you fine citizens will arrive in our fair city is 1.5 million. One point five million people descending on DC. Now, it's not that I don't understand the desire to be here for the event. When Obama won, I was thrilled by the idea of being so close to history in January. But then reality set in, and I decided I better get the hell out of town. It seems as though many of the area's residents have come to the same realization, as you can see from a quick glance at Craigslist.

So, out-of-towners hoping to score housing for the 20th, stop and ask yourself, "Why are so many people from DC willing to give up this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? Even if they voted for McCain, isn't this the kind of thing people inside the Beltway would kill to see?"

Here's the answer: because we know just how insane that weekend is going to be. It'll be like the 4th of July and every day of the Cherry Blossom festival put together, times 20. The odds of actually getting close enough to see anything are so long it's not worth giving up a warm house and a tv. I'm willing to wager that a good amount of the metro stops downtown will be closed, making the system even more hectic and confusing for novice riders. Traffic will be an absolute nightmare. Security will be worse.

My suggestion? Stay home. Take the day off work and have a party.

Yours,

M Slash

No diamonds this year, ladies!

Have you seen the Kay Jewelers ad with the guy giving his wife/girlfriend a watch for Christmas? I think this is even more depressing than the standard "man gives diamonds because they equal love" commercials of previous years. Is this a result of the economic crisis? Have the started airing the ads early this year to prepare women for the probable lack of diamonds under the tree? In this new reality, will women have to settle for engagement watches? At least they won't have to be re-sized!

A varied curriculum is best

I've written before about my father's unique take on life, and I came across another example recently. When he was a high school football coach in the 50s and early 60s, he also taught history. Now, his teaching method was a little radical for the times, and occasionally this got him into trouble with the head of the department. Concerned about his style, she would sometimes sit in on his classes to monitor. On one such day, Dad had the door to his classroom open, and all of a sudden a football came flying into the room as someone in the hall yelled, "Hey, Coach!"

She was not amused.

Needless to say, she found it necessary to drop in again. Well, she must have decided to do so without warning, as she came into the class one day to find the devoted teacher showing football films. He claimed it was "current events" day.

But the best story from these years involved an exam he gave to a particularly social group of students. Tired of their chatting during class, he gave them a test with the following questions:

What was the most important thing you did last weekend? Who accompanied you?

What did you wear? Did others approve of the style?

Were there any changes in relationships over the weekend? What was the reason?

What are your plans for this weekend, and whom will you be with? Who will be driving?

Name at least four things that you have done this month in the community: Include who was involved, what you wore, and where it occurred.

Please answer all questions in complete sentences. You may use the back of the page if you need more room.
GOOD LUCK!

Our quarterback, ladies and gentlemen

Oh, come on, Donovan! I knew a tie was possible in the NFL; I even remember the last time the Eagles played to one! (Against the Ravens in the short-lived Bobby Hoying Era)

Goodbye?

I have a milk crate in my front closet for storage and traveling purposes (excellent for carrying large amounts of alcohol to family vacations). The other day, I noticed that I may be in a bit of trouble:



Yes, that line at the bottom reads, "Use by other than owner punishable by law."
By "owner," do they mean owner of the dairy? Or owner of the milk crate?

I'm not quite sure how the crate ended up in my possession (although I have my suspicions), but now live in fear of the police showing up at my door and taking my crate from its loving home.

Hmmmmm

I need to come up with a Delaware-themed appetizer by tonight. The only things I can think of are soft pretzels, but I'd have to drive to a WaWa for the right kind (not that I mind, I always love a trip to WaWa). Tastykakes are desserts; I'm not cooking anything, so chicken's out; and I refuse to eat scrapple. Thoughts?

My day so far

I woke up at 4, tossed and turned until 5, got up to sleep on the futon, overslept my alarm by 50 minutes (still don't know how that happened, because I know I heard it go off), and just came thisclose to putting on one brown boot and one black one.

Yay Friday!

Estan listos???

If you'll allow me to indulge myself for a moment, the Latin Grammys are on tonight, so I thought I'd take the opportunity to post some songs from my favorite nominated artists from my favorite genre, el rock en español

Julieta Venegas, Ilusion


Molotov, Yofo


Babasonicos, Pijamas


And they're not nominated, but were last year, just released an album this week, and are my favorite band:
Zoe, No Me Destruyas

M Slash 2, Ignorance 0

Continuing my tradition of making bets based on my random knowledge of sports history, I had another victory Tuesday night. I forget how this came up in conversation, but all I know is that someone claimed that the Tennessee Titans changed their name as soon as they left Houston. I immediately challenged this statement, arguing that they were indeed known as the Tennessee Oilers for a short while (two seasons, it seems). After some yelling across the bar, and a visit to the team's Wikipedia page, I was vindicated. I even gave my free beer away to a guy who had agreed with me, because that's just how kind and generous I am.

SCONE WATCH: VICTORY IS OURS

Friends, exciting news today from the scone front. After an exhausting campaign, I received word that our comrade was finally able to enjoy a pumpkin scone from Starbucks. It seems as though Gloria has fulfilled her promise, although I must say that this ordeal has left me disillusioned with the company. Nevertheless, today is not the time for such negative thoughts. Enjoy the end of our long national struggle against the Man!

This explains a lot

Since it's Veterans Day, I thought I'd share a story about my father, who was a WWII vet. Not a tale about what he faced during the war, but rather one about how these years changed his life. Of course, the GI bill meant he was able to buy his parents a house and attend college, but one important consequence of his service in the Marines was something you may not expect. It got him a drivers license.

After he left the service, he enrolled at the University of Delaware and joined the football team. One summer, the chief of police in Rehoboth, a resort town on Delaware's coast, decided to hire some of the UD football players as seasonal cops. My dad went down there and worked with a few of his friends for the summer. Now, in order to be a Rehoboth policeman one had to have a valid drivers license. Dad didn't have one, so they sent him off to highway patrol headquarters to obtain one. As his friend put it, "After several hours of instruction and observation, including the car ending up in the center divider of the highway, the examiner said he would issue a license if [Dad] promised never to drive outside Rehoboth."

Some of my sisters have inherited these driving skills.

Sniff

The past eight years have provided us with many glorious moments, and here's another one, an excerpt from The Audacity of Hope that the Post printed today:

"Obama!" the President said, shaking my hand. "Come here and meet Laura. Laura, you remember Obama. We saw him on TV during election night. Beautiful family. And that wife of yours -- that's one impressive lady."

"We both got better than we deserve, Mr. President," I said, shaking the First Lady's hand and hoping that I'd wiped any crumbs off my face. The President turned to an aide nearby, who squirted a big dollop of hand sanitizer in the President's hand.

"Want some?" the President asked. "Good stuff. Keeps you from getting colds."

Not wanting to seem unhygienic, I took a squirt.

I am going to miss him so much it hurts.

YAAAYYYY!!!!

FYI, 97.5 in Philadelphia has switched to their all-Christmas format! This means that it is now socially acceptable* for me to listen to holiday music with abandon. Pump up the Twisted Sister!

* I realize some of you believe it isn't acceptable until after Thanksgiving. I don't care.

I DEMAND RESTITUTION!

Last night, I made a horrifying discovery. It came to my attention that someone to whom I am related, and whom I admired greatly, has never seen A Charlie Brown Christmas. She claimed this failure is due to her "not being much of a Peanuts person."

Now, if you know me, you know that there are few things in this world that I love more than Snoopy. I was upset this year that I couldn't watch It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. One of my first toys was a Linus doll. I had a baby blanket with the Peanuts characters on it. My distrust of France started with the creepy chateau in Bon Voyage, Charlie Brown. Hell, when I was little, I begged my parents to buy a puny tree for Christmas, and, when they refused, I dragged it around the lot yelling, "I HAVE MY OWN MONEY! I'LL BUY IT!"

Needless to say, I am disturbed by this development. I found it apropos that, shortly after she made this statement, we watched the commercial featuring the Macy's Charlie Brown balloon beating Stewie and Underdog for the Coke balloon. Go Chuck!

Warrior!

It's only 1:30, but today has been marked by both great joy and tremendous horror.

For the good news, I filled up for $2.01 this morning in Newark! I feel like it's 2003 again, which makes me 5 years younger.

This feeling was short-lived, as I just took a look at the top songs in iTunes. Number 38 right now is a cover of "All Summer Long" by some group called The Rock Heroes, and off of their album....
A Salute to Kid Rock.

I feel dirty just typing that.

Endless love

Dear Readers,
I wish to share with you an email I recently received. As you can see below, my True Love has finally contacted me. I will let you know as soon as we set a date:

Good time of the day

Well, I've finally gathered all my braveness to write to you.. Even though you should know how hard it is to write a letter to a Stranger, whom you've never seen before and whom you don't know at all, but I truly believe that in this case, my perspective acquaintance with You is more than enough for an excuse:)
Truly speaking, I have thought in the past of such an option, to meet someone through the letter, but I wasn't brave enough for this. I guess, I am still not brave enough, but my wish to be happy and to be loved is overfilling my heart and head. I am not a complicated person, nor simple. I am an individual, that's for sure. I don't know what your character is and how you look like, most important is that I am not going to change you. I want to like you as you are and just be happy. I can answer to you at
http://ThePleasureLife.com/honeywithme/ and will be happy if our relations continue.
Bye

Uly M.

OK ! (?)

When did people start putting spaces before punctuation marks, specifically exclamation points? I've seen many an email lately that looks like this: Thanks !

I'm baffled. It seems to be affecting people of various age groups and with high levels of education. It's not even an over correction, like when people say they "feel badly" instead of "feel bad" because they think the adverb is the right way to go.* Since there's no common punctuation mark that I can think of that needs a space before it, I don't understand where it's coming from.

*It isn't, by the way. If you regret something, you feel bad about it. If you have problems feeling, then you feel badly.

WARNING: LANGUAGE

On live TV:

AMEN, Chase. Amen.

Noon...you know, around 2

Ordering cheesesteaks for some coworkers for tomorrow:
"Yes, I'd like them delivered at noon, please."
"OK, ma'am, what time?"
"Noon"
"Yes, but could you give me an exact time, please?"
"...12:00"
"OK, see you then."

I was tempted to keep going, but my day is not that long.

HUGE MISCONCEPTION

I have heard two different DC residents in the last month say that their vote doesn't count because DC has no electoral vote. Where the hell is this idea coming from? Scratch that, I know the answer: those license plates that say "Taxation Without Representation". People! That just means we have no votes in the Senate or House! DC has 3 electoral votes, the same as Delaware, and your vote on Tuesday helps determine who gets them. Now, if you want to argue that your vote will not matter, that's another story. But go vote!

Let this be a warning

This is awesome

That poor white kid in the back.

Biding my time before the game

There was a conversation at work the other day concerning women whose husbands watch sports (specifically, the NFL) obsessively, refusing to miss a game during the season. I'd always thought that this was fairly common, if not the norm, because my father's reaction to leaving the house on Saturday or Sunday in the fall was usually somewhere between "bewildered" and "shocked and appalled". It wasn't until I got to college and found that none of my male friends enjoyed watching sports that I realized it's not universal behavior.

The wives in question began debating whether it is a byproduct of the internet age, with the instant access to information, the ability to track multiple games at once, and, of course, fantasy leagues bringing a new dimension to fandom. I argued that these obsessions have always existed, the only difference is that now people have more opportunities to indulge them. My dad would watch whatever game they were showing, all that mattered was that football was on. He didn't need to have a rooting interest beforehand, he just genuinely liked the game. Hell, this was a man so into horse racing that he would watch the televised results at night to see how he would have done if he had gone to the track (this was after his bookie retired).

I imagine that I would be the sports fanatic in a marriage. I just hope any future husband of mine isn't too into "doing things" on Sundays.

One more!

Recent texts from friends

"The answer is always Eddie Money. God speed."
"The world is not fair. Dance it up for me. I heart u. I may have given up my king. But I will never give up ABBA."
"Do u remember what happened to me? cuz I do not" *
"I blame the norovirus"
"YOU ARE A BABA GANOOSH"
"Lol whatev dork"
"You vixen"
"I kno like 5 people here all there weird randoms" **

* Received at 2:24 AM. On a Thursday.

** This message is cryptic at first. I believe it's meant to be read as a sort of haiku:

I kno like
5 people here all there
weird randoms

I can't watch much more

Can someone please remind Sen. McCain that the president who faced the Cuban Missile Crisis was rather young and untested himself?

WTF?

I was browsing the Halloween candy at CVS today, and I saw the most frightening product of the season: mini bottles of Vitamin Water designed to be given out to trick-or-treaters.

Listen, people, whoever gives this crap out deserves to get their house TP'd. Good lord, at least go for the pretzels!

Learn about me!

[F]oxymoron tagged me the other day to list 7 facts about myself. I'll do my best:

1. I believe I'm the only person in the world with my full name. None of the names are unique by themselves, and there are plenty of people with my first and last names, but my middle name throws a wrench into things

2. I think the best advice I ever got was, "Never go anywhere without a nail file."

3. I arrange my bookcases so that fiction is on the top shelves, nonfiction in the middle, and oversized books on the bottom

4. I could eat bacon three meals a day, every day

5. I'm 25. I have three sisters. The one closest in age to me is 54. My niece is 32.

6. I made sure to only apply to colleges with D1 men's basketball teams. Of course, I was part of the only class at Georgetown in years not to see them make the tournament.

7. It takes me 2-3 hours to drink a cup of coffee, even though I love it

I'm not going to tag anyone, but if any of my faithful readers would like to list anything, go ahead.

It's cold!

I am wearing tights today for the first time since Spring. They are new and were apparently purchased on clearance from Caldor.

I am not really one for tights.

I understand now!

This is fantastic:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Get that man away from meeeee!

On my cousin's advice, I tried 5 Hour Energy for the first time last night.* I think it worked, as I was able to stay out until 2 after a long day. Toast and I traveled all around the metro area yesterday, ending up at a kickball party downtown. Jess almost got herself kicked out of the league, an amazing feat when you consider that she's not a member.


*Last May, he went on a 20 minute diatribe that can be summed up with 5 Hour Energy=good, 6 Hour Power=bad. He has no recollection of this.

I have a bed!

No longer must I treat my one-bedroom like a studio! I can now use ALL rooms!

I took today off for the box spring delivery (and, of course, to celebrate Peronist Loyalty Day). Now I'm off to do some shopping. And demand the release of any jailed politicians.

...Seriously?

We won a t-shirt and visor at trivia on Tuesday, one of my proudest moments, but I think my favorite part was during a music round: They played a snippet from "Ice, Ice Baby," one of us grabbed the pen to write the title, and then looked up and said, "OH, what was his name?!?"

This was made even better by the fact that she had already gotten various obscure songs and artists correct. That Vanilla will trip you up every time.

Damn straight!

Some people like Keith Olbermann for his liberal views and anger at the Bush administration. I like him for what he just said, "Major League Baseball has said they are willing to delay game 6 of the World Series - the Phillies-Rays series, I might add..."

Prove him right, guys!

In related news, I have learned that the city of Philadelphia has gotten rid of all metal trash cans in favor of mesh baskets, for fear of what its citizens will do if the team wins.

Ha-HA!

Jeopardy! tonight has proven that I'm not up on my "shires".

I had a good weekend in South Bend, except that I left my coat there, so it's a good thing it's supposed to be in the 70s and 80s this week. I won a dollar from a gentleman foolish enough to bet against me concerning knowledge of Philadelphia sports. Now, I don't claim to be a master of this subject, but he was arguing that the Phillies have only been in existence since the late 1940s AT THE EARLIEST. I immediately countered that they are one of MLB's oldest franchises, and have been around since at least the beginning of the 20th century. He refused to believe me, saying that I was thinking of the As. Apparently it's hard to believe that Philadelphia could have once had two baseball teams. Anyway, I asked if he wanted to put some money where his mouth was, as I was rather confident that I was right. After we agreed on a dollar (lame, yes, but I think someone knew he was going to lose!) I went straight to the Wikipedia entry which states the Phillies were founded in 1883. A dollar richer was I!

That was perhaps the highlight of my trip, along with the sign outside of Bob Evans that said:
"KNIFE FORKS
STARTING AT $5.99"
If you have any idea what this might mean, please enlighten me.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready for the Phillies to suck.

Go Flyers!

My sister sent me this item:

"Sarah Palin, in her much-ballyhooed appearance dropping the puck at the Philly Flyers' opener, was greeted by "resounding (almost deafening) boos from the Flyers crowd."

Awesomeness

Career move?

While reading about AIG canceling the "conference" they had planned for next week that included $400 a night stays at a Ritz-Carlton, I started thinking: which job would you rather have right now- their spokesperson or their PR consultant? On the one hand, you've got to spin a lot of atrocious behavior, but on the other, you've got to deal with what appears to be a company run by idiots. Who the hell would think that running an ad campaign, essentially funded by taxpayers, to justify a $440,000 spa vacation that occurred days after the government agreed to give them $85 billion could possibly be successful? I guess the same people who got the company into this mess.

And then let's go to the Ranch House

There has been some criticism of Sen. Biden for referring to a restaurant on Union Street that has been closed for 20 years. And that wasn't on Union Street. Well, I'd like to defend him, not as a Democrat, but as a Wilmingtonian.

First, that entire area is referred to as "Union Street." I guess it would technically be Little Italy, but when referring to it in conversation one would say "over by Union Street" or "near St. Anthony's."

Second, long-time residents of the city tend to refer to locations by what they used to be, in a passive-aggressive way of boasting about how long they've lived there. For example, I might tell someone that I dropped my car off for an oil change at Campanella's, next to the old Wanamaker's building. Wanamaker's closed 17 years ago. An older person might give directions that refer to the old Wilmington High on Pennsylvania Avenue. The school moved in 1960. Wilmington High doesn't even exist anymore.

My point is, was the Senator actually thinking of another restaurant? Probably. But would a native Wilmingtonian of his generation have known what he meant? I'd argue yes.

Plea for help

I have recently learned that one of my former roommates has fleas (no, not that one. Or that one). It's a new experience for him, as he's not allowed outside and has never lived with a dog or outdoor cat. Please, people, look at this poor creature and think of how he's suffering:


He is losing his hair, partly from the scratching and partly from the stress over losing his hair. Medication is on the way; it had to be special ordered and cost more than the standard, as, despite the picture above, he is into the "husky" sizes. I hear that he currently hates everyone in his immediate vicinity, a departure from his normal self, when he only hates everyone 70% of the time.

Please send him wishes for a speedy recovery!

God bless you, WGN

I wonder if my boss will allow me to renegotiate my contract so that I'm paid in gold. Or rice, beans, and condensed soup.

Anyway, I was going to go to bed early tonight, but got distracted:



Did you know that Alf went to dental school?

Yes!

If you'll allow me to indulge myself for a moment:


GO PHILLIES!

Question

This has been bothering my lately: When you go to the dentist, is it not common practice to make your next appointment while there? I've always done so, and the secretary at my current dentist even brings the appointment book into the room while I'm in the chair. In April, however, my uncle expressed astonishment that I already knew I had a dental appointment in July. My cousin has even accused me of having an affair with my dentist (he's a great guy, don't get me wrong, but not my type. And we have the same last name, so we're probably related). I've done some unscientific polling, and have gotten mixed results, so I'm just wondering.

BTW, I'm headed back in early February. In case you cared.

I want my shoes!

I ordered something from Amazon, and got an email on Thursday saying that it had shipped. There was no information from FedEx until Friday, and please look at its journey:

Date	Time	Location	Event Details
October 3, 2008	06:57:00 PM	WASHINGTON DC	Arrival Scan
October 3, 2008	07:43:00 AM	WASHINGTON DC	Shipment has left seller facility and is in transit

Even if they were delivering it on foot from the other side of the city, it shouldn't take 11 hours.

UPDATE: OH GOOD LORD:
October 4, 2008 10:53:00 AM WASHINGTON DC Arrival Scan
October 3, 2008 06:57:00 PM WASHINGTON DC Arrival Scan
October 3, 2008 07:43:00 AM WASHINGTON DC Shipment has left seller facility and is in transit

Fact-check!

Uh, Joe? While Dick Cheney has been a pretty dangerous VP, has he really been the MOST dangerous?

I think Alexander Hamilton would politely disagree.

Bad day to run out of advil

RE: Debate

My head hurts. Can anyone follow her logic?

Someone help me!

Quick question:
Why the hell has everyone from Malvern moved to DC? At least the gentleman last night looked appalled when I mentioned I've been to Maddie's.

Offended

I was in the elevator yesterday with two men, one of whom was on the elderly side, who were talking baseball. The younger one commented that at least a pitcher on his losing team won 20 games, so he'll take that silver lining. He got off first, and the older one looked at me and said, "You probably have no idea what we're talking about, do you?"

Yes.

I looked at him for a second, and said, "No, not really. I'm a Phillies fan, so I got to cheer for a winning team this year."

Seriously, let's not make assumptions in this day and age, people.

And: Go Phillies!

Hmmm

My coworker said the following last week:

"I'm thinking about cashing out my retirement plan, paying off my house and my loans, so then if the bank crashes, what do I care?"

That idea's looking better and better every day, isn't it? Maybe I'll end up like the grandparents I never knew, who kept their money in the floorboards in their house. My grandfather was also a bootlegger in Prohibition, so it was clearly one good idea after another with that man.

You can see New Jersey from Delaware

I saw many campaign signs and stickers in the First State this weekend, but the best was the person who had created his own bumper sticker by combining two. It looked something like this:

OBAMA
DELAWARE'S JOE BIDEN

I can't judge; I would do the same if I had the means.

JESUS CHRISTMAS

If the Eagles defense were to murder the entire offense after this game, I would understand and completely support their decision.

I am a joiner

I wore three different wristbands this weekend for three different events. This was a highlight of my month.

Beerfest at Victory was a good time, as I got both a keepsake mug AND a t-shirt. Also, the whole place erupted when they announced the Phillies were division champs. I love being in the Philadelphia area for such things. After we left, two of us bored everyone else by spending an hour playing the American Idol video game. Note: "More Than a Feeling" is a surprisingly difficult choice.

A word of warning

Dear old roommate's new roommate,

It has come to my attention that you are exposing a young, impressionable child to traumatizing and disgusting things such as Jackass 2. This darling baby should not be watching such movies:



Please think about the examples you're setting.

Thank you,

M Slash

P.S. Let's do karaoke again soon.

Line of the night

"Whatever, you just want to put a dollar in my pocket!"

Why, yes, I do!

Anyway, we enjoyed the debate here at the M Slash compound, although one of us could not get over McCain wearing that striped tie. Apparently, it's not something you "do" on TV. Do all men know this, or is my friend part of a small set?

The oatmeal chocolate chip cookies were delicious, and thanks to all who ventured over. To my lamest of lame friends, who changed his mind at the last minute because he didn't "want to get caught in the rain," you have been in DC too long. Better start stocking up on milk and bread; winter may bring snow!

Housewarming!

The Phillies are going to be the death of me, I know it.

Today is my apartment's grand opening, as I'm having some friends over to watch the debate.* It's only my closest friends, those who won't judge me for still not having my bedroom set up and there being boxes everywhere. I have red, white and blue potato chips to celebrate our nation, as well as hummus and pita bread because we are liberal commies who want the terrorists to win. Oh, and oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, because they are delicious.

I do have enough seating for everyone, as I made sure to put together the sturdier chairs for my friend who's the first of us to turn 26 next week. He needs some good back support in his old age.

*Or the two hours of dead air that will be on in its place.

SCONE WATCH: ZERO HOUR

I sing of arms and the man, he who, exiled by fate,
first came from the coast of Troy to Italy, and to
Lavinian shores – hurled about endlessly by land and sea,
by the will of the gods, by cruel Juno's remorseless anger,
long suffering also in war, until he founded a city
and brought his gods to Latium: from that the Latin people
came, the lords of Alba Longa, the walls of noble Rome.

Muse, tell me the cause: how was she offended in her

divinity,

how was she grieved, the Queen of Heaven, to drive a man,
noted for virtue, to endure such dangers, to face so many
trials? Can there be such anger in the minds of the gods?

-Vergil, The Aeneid, Book 1:1-11

Friends, I bring you a message from our long-suffering scone-lover:

"I have some harrowing news to report. I visited Starbucks this morning only to find the pumpkin loaf was out but no scone. I inquired about the scone and the surly Barista told me that Starbucks will not be carrying them this year. When I replied that I had spoken with powers higher up, he told me to petition them again. I tried to call headquarters and this time no answer of quality. (Not even transfer to the right department or to the elusive Gloria) Sad to report, I'm saturated in disappointment as I feel as though Starbucks has lied to me. If the Barista is in fact telling the truth than my disappointment will soon turn to disillusionment with Starbucks as an institution. As the disturbed Fortunato once stated 'I can bear a thousand injuries but not a single insult.' (Paraphrasing of course) I am now wavering on the line of insult with Starbucks. I beg that you plead my case to the public sphere and appeal to the benevolent nature of Starbucks where perhaps the faithful corporation will redress my grievance with the utmost expediency. While I have lost faith in my daily grind, I certainly have not lost faith in the system of collective appeal. Given the grave nature of this situation, I would still prefer to remain shrouded from public eyes as I can continue to advocate for the sanctity of the scone. "

As you can see, the situation has reached a critical point. Our comrade above has been forced to leave his job, so dedicated is he to the noble search. I urge you all to contact your local Starbucks branch(es) and demand they serve this classic fall treat.

A warning

Trivia night yesterday went well for the first four rounds, and then crashed, burned and died in a horrible incident that will go down in history as "The Second Music Round." It was rather reminiscent of the Mets' performance down the stretch these last two years. Anyway, I have received promises that the slackers who missed this week will show up next Tuesday, and they better do so, or guess whose requests for leave this holiday season will go straight into the deleted folder.

Love you all.

Anyone want it?

Regarding my sister's comment to my post about the weird dreams I've been having lately, I think she's onto something there. I've never been one to believe in ghosts or the like, but it would explain the mystery of the turkey from last Thanksgiving.

See, no one in the family offered to host the holiday, and since I suddenly had a house with no one living in it, I decided to have the celebration there. My aunt arranged to arrive early with the turkey so I wouldn't have to worry about buying or roasting one.

I had spent quite a few weekends previous to the holiday at the house, and one of the first things I did was to clean out the fridge and freezer. I left butter and bread in there, and perhaps a popsicle or two. That was it. When I woke up Thanksgiving morning, however, there was a turkey sitting on the top shelf of the freezer. I swear to God that had not been there the night before, and everyone I asked promised they didn't drop one off overnight.

I still have no explanations for that turkey, but maybe someone couldn't stop himself from making one last trip to the Acme. If I come home one day to find iced tea, pretzels, and peach ice cream, I'll know for sure.

Beautiful

This sign is currently posted outside the 13th street entrance to Metro Center:



Now I understand why it takes them so long to resolve actual problems, if they can leave this sign up for over a week.

Glaring omissions

I didn't watch much of the Emmys last night, but I did see Josh Groban's "tribute" to classic theme songs:


The first thing that jumped out at me, of course, was the absence of this masterpiece:


And this one:



And THIS?



I could do this all day, you know.

I'm literal, people

I don't know if it's all the drugs in the DC water supply, but I've been having some strange dreams lately. I'm not the best at interpreting them, so I usually wake up confused as all hell. There've been a few featuring my parents, but I don't think it's their way of communicating with me beyond the grave, since in none of them has my father yelled at me for having both the heat and the fan on at the same time. And believe me, that would be the first thing he'd bring up. Well, that and asking if I was planning on keeping that paper from two days ago for posterity or did I not have the time to throw it out?

I think my subconscious has deduced that I'm not capable of comprehending its mysterious ways, because why am I dreaming that someone's kids are being yelled at for singing in music class? Especially when I don't even like this particular person?

Anyway, last night I was in a half-asleep stage in which I recognized that I had a headache, but was still dreaming. In one dream, I said, "I have a headache. I'm going to take some Excedrin." That apparently wasn't enough, because I then had another dream that featured the same line, repeated a couple of times. Eventually, I woke up fully and thought, "You know? Maybe I should get some Excedrin."

Of course, this was at 3:30, and I couldn't go back to sleep. Damn dreams.

Recent texts from friends

"Ugh i hate that mask...take it off" *
"Im gonna have nightmares! Damn yoouu!!" *
"Lol!!! What is wrong with people?????" **
"Oo yeah haha its a lock walkin on the moon for me"
"I'd make an excellent defensive end!"
"You seem to make arch enemies quite easily-good luck!"
"Its the king of all bagged pickles"
"I will eat your baby"

* In reference to this picture:


** No punctuation marks were added to this comment

Success! (?)

I now have a dining table and chairs! I'm not sure how steady the table is, because I couldn't get the screws in all the way, so I may not be having many dinner parties, but it'll look nice, at least.

WTF?

Can someone please explain to me why, as of 12:35 PM, 12 of the 24 bestselling items in Amazon's apparel section have to do with Pepsi? I mean, am I supposed to believe that this:

is the most popular apparel item on the site?
P.S. OK, apparently, they're having some sort of deal with "Pepsi Points," but come on people, at least go for the beach towel. Also, please think about your life.

The height of awesome

As part of my ongoing quest to be the coolest person you know, I got home last night at 6, cooked myself some bacon, eggs and toast, and then went to sleep for 2 hours. I woke up long enough to watch the finale of The Office that I missed last spring and to make sure the Phillies won (woot!), and then promptly went back to bed. And by "bed" I mean the futon in my living room I've been sleeping on these past three weeks as my bedroom is still a work in progress. Actually, my entire apartment is still a work in progress, but I've now got one of the chairs from IKEA put together, so the number of people who can sit comfortably when visiting has increased by 33.3%. I hope to raise it at least another 25% this weekend, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

A recent conversation

Someone after breaking up with her boyfriend- "OH, the worst is going to be on facebook, when it says I'm now single and has a broken heart next to it."

Me, nodding, - "Yeah, I know how that feels. When Jess moved out, we went from 'in an open relationship' to 'it's complicated.' But before she accepted, we were listed as having broken up."

See, don't ever think I can't understand your pain.

A special message

I wore this shirt to my family reunion last Saturday, and it was well-received. People clamored for a picture with me, nobody minded when I chased my 16-year-old cousin around the house yelling that it was the most true thing I had ever non-verbally said about him, and my aunt joked to her niece that I'd be standing next to her all day. My friend who came with me commented, "It's a good thing your family thinks this is funny, because mine would be horrified." I told the story to someone else yesterday, and he stated that it wouldn't go over well with his relatives, either. So, dear family of mine, thank you for letting me call you all whores. It's things like that that have made me who I am today.

It's about time!

I finally had success requesting a song at kickball last night, although my first question ("Do you have any Pat Benatar?") received a "no" response, he did have some Eddie Money (and what kind of DJ has Eddie Money and not Pat Benatar?). The bar seemed to enjoy "Take Me Home Tonight" almost as much as Journey and Miley Cyrus. Again, the jukebox on the top floor is the place to go, especially after the waiter puts in a bunch of money. We're friends now, though, so it's cool.

We lost again, but I had a heroic sacrifice kick that advanced one runner from 1st to 3rd. There were cops stationed behind homeplate the entire game, but after another team bribed them with candy, they apparently said, "Oh, go ahead and drink and have fun, we don't care." I have to wonder what they were doing there, then, because aren't there bigger problems in this city than cleaning up the kickball leagues? Or chaperoning them?

Anyway, one teammate tried to get me to join this running group that involves drinking, but I draw the line at actual athletics. My people are not runners; there's a reason Armenians only medal in weightlifting and wrestling.

Who's "Stevie Micks"?

Our second attempt at trivia went much better than the first, and our team is growing each week. My arch nemesis from the previous week failed to return, so I am declaring myself the victor in our feud.

In another note, I find myself enjoying those Jerry Seinfeld-Bill Gates ads, even though I'm not a big fan of either. I guess Microsoft understands that your ads should NOT make you seem obnoxious and arrogant. You can learn from them, Apple.

I would do nothing different

I just ate a hot fudge sundae from McDonald's.
Now I feel slightly sick.
I regret nothing.

And I wonder how their pumpkin shakes are.

Someone invent a time machine!

You may remember the traumatic experience of my youth that I described here. This came up at our reunion on Saturday, and my aunt is adamant that it never happened. My defense is fourfold:

1) I have a distinct memory of hearing this tune while in the car with the two cousins directly older than I
2)No one else remembers it because it wasn't BURNED INTO THEIR MEMORIES as such a horrifying experience
3) I don't have the imagination or creativity to invent such things
4) Even though some of our relatives either have no recollection or only a vague one, when asked if they would be surprised to learn it was true, responses were 100% "weelll....no, you have a point."

I rest my case.

Public Service Announcement

OK, Google searchers, I tried to ignore what you might have meant when you searched for "slash loves animals?" but I'm afraid I can't stay silent any longer. Whoever searched for the phrase "slash with animals", please seek help. You have problems.
Thank you.

You forgot "expensive"

I know I've been slightly disturbed by things the children in my family do at times, and so I was again at our reunion on Saturday. My nine-year-old cousin came dressed in a suit, with a button that said, "Hey little girl, want a piece of CANDY?"

Yes.

In brighter news, everyone loved my new shirt:There are many pictures of me wearing it next to family members, from age 15 to 73.

Thanks

My FAVORITE AUNT giving advice to two fairly young, single cousins:

"Well, just don't think about how old you are. Someone will come up! And you know, if not, you guys have each other. A couple of dogs, a couple of cats, that'll be nice!"

I'm disappointed

One of the headlines in the Economist this week is: "Kim Jong Ill or Kim Jong Well?"

Really? That's the best you could do?

And I'm blogging from my FAVORITE AUNT'S HOUSE

CRAAAAAAAAAAB FEASSSSSSST!!!!!!!!

I am out of town this weekend for my family's annual Crab Feast. Now, you may be saying, "Isn't Armenia landlocked? Why would you have a reunion centered around seafood?"*

My family is a bit odd.

Anyway, I hope a gathering of 60 Armenians and Armenian-lovers will generate some good stories, even if I have to take things into my own hands and double the amount of tequila in the margaritas.**

*You are most likely not saying this, as the vast majority of you likely don't know where Armenia is. I don't fault you for that.

**We're also part Mexican***

***Not really. But, yes, sort of.

New (new) goal

After a conversation about our Myers-Briggs types this morning, a few of us decided to re-take the test to see if we'd changed. My results came with a list of recommended careers, and I must say that one of them intrigues me:

"Military, business administrators, managers, police/detective work, judges, financial officers, teachers, sales representatives, government workers, insurance agents, underwriters, nursing administrators, trade and technical teachers, mafia dons"

Finally! My life has some direction!

New goal

The past two weeks, I've tried to request songs at the bar after kickball. I have yet to be successful. I think I may have gotten an "in" yesterday, though, because I supported the DJ in his refusal to play John Denver*. He told me to bring him a list of songs and he'd burn them. If we aren't dancing to Big Country by the end of the season, I will have to label it a failure.

*Yes, John Denver. He asked for "Take Me Home, Country Roads" and you should have seen the look on the DJ's face. He then tried to guilt-trip him into playing it by saying that there were a lot of people there from Iowa and Nebraska. It was at this point that I piped up with, "But 'Country Roads' is about West Virginia." The DJ folded his arms, shook his head, and said, "She does have a point."

YES! (Part 2)

Someone was sent to this blog through a search for "pants with ducks."
MY FATHER LIVES ON!

Oh, and to the mystery Googler: please don't.

Are you near Dutch Wonderland?!?

One of my trivia opponents informed me, rather adamantly, that "Solutions Architect" is a valid job title. I would like to explain that, while I don't doubt the importance of such a position, I find the name of it ridiculous. He also had some strong feelings about blogs, not so much about the people who right about the little things in life, but about those who read and comment about them. He thinks they have too much time on their hands. Never fear, faithful readers, I stuck up for you!

Moving on.

Trivia night was a good time, as we had a nice showing for there only being three of us. I made friends with a very nice team called the Phillies, who were unfortunately playing like the Phillies circa 1997. There was actually a good-sized contingent of people from the Philadelphia area, and I realized how nice it is to be around others who know how to pronounce "Lancaster."

YES!

Way to go, Delaware Democrats! Oh, and, Ruth Ann? Shut up. Carney was a horrible candidate, and it's about time we had some change from 16 years of Carper/Minner/Carney. I'm tired of the same half dozen people exchanging one job for another. And I'll be very happy not to have a governor who'll need to "check with his bishop" about legislation.

WANT!

Someone appears to have recently been hired at my place of employment with the title "Solutions Architect." (No, I don't work for the government)

I wish to change my title to this immediately. I think I would be rather good at laying the blueprints for solutions while not actually solving anything.

Sorry!

Apparently Jess and I were talking right over Britney's first acceptance speech, when she DID in fact thank her kids. Some die-hard Spears fans have jumped to her defense.
Anyway, she didn't thank them in the next two acceptances. I maintain that I am 2/3 correct!

WTF?

Did any of you watch Jeopardy! Monday night? WHAT ON EARTH WAS THAT NEW FINAL JEOPARDY MUSIC? I think we should start an email campaign. Who's with me?!?

Beat this!

I think I got the best hit from a Google search today, when someone was directed to my very first post via a search for "slash loves animals?"

I have no idea if Slash loves animals, but, judging by his appearance on the VMAs Sunday night, I don't think he loves Linkin Park.

Well, I guess...

Jess, after Britney failed to thank her kids during the VMAs last night:
"Well, she gave up custody, so it's not like she really HAS kids anymore, anyway."

I started early

As many of you know, I'm rather fond of sunglasses. Well, I've recently found proof that it's not my fault; it was ingrained in me at an early age by my mother:



I was clearly the coolest infant around.

Things I've always wondered

Don't the people at Apple realize that in the "I'm a Mac-I'm a PC" commercials, PC is the MUCH more likable character? He's funny and self-deprecating, while Mac is an arrogant, condescending ass. Who on Earth do they think we'd rather hang out with?

An endearing moment

There was a delay on the red line Friday evening (shocking!) and the platform at Metro Center was a tad crowded by the time I got there. The conductor of the first train pulled the old "Please don't crowd the train, there's another one right behind this one." When, of course, no train arrived in the next five minutes, the gentleman next to me exclaimed, "That guy said there was another train right behind it!" and looked at me in disbelief. I gently informed him that this is fairly typical for DC, and, distraught, he looked at the empty tracks and said, "He lied to me!"

It took all of my self-control not to say, "You're new to the area, aren't you, sir?"

I LOVE BROADWAY!

Kate and I spent Saturday evening doing karaoke at Savannah's in Kensington while Jess had to work. Now, Savannah's is not the classiest of bars, although it is hardly a dive. But based on the suburban area on Connecticut Ave that surrounds it, and the muliple Budweiser signs in the windows, you'd know right away that the selection isn't going to be extensive. At least, I would hope you would.

Halfway through the night, a young man came in with two women. The girls sat down, and he told them that he was going to the bar "for a pitcher of Stella" (he did have to explain to one of them what "Stella" was short for). Thirty seconds later, he was back at the table: "OK, they only have Budweiser, Miller Lite, and Sierra Nevada."

He was probably disappointed. I, however, was impressed that they have Sierra Nevada on tap. Keep your expectations low, people!

Anyway, I sang four songs last night. In order, they were:

"Kids in America"


"Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)"


"You Keep Me Hanging On" (I'm on a Kim Wilde kick, apparently)


And finally, a duet with Kate: "Opposites Attract"

I was concerned!

You may be aware that it rained a bit on the east coast today. I knew that someone in my immediate family was going on a camping trip this weekend, and yesterday I politely inquired about her plans. When I discovered the trip was still on, I let her know that I'd be thinking about her today while I was on my couch, watching TV and drinking coffee.
She is no longer speaking to me.
Some people! I swear! You try to be nice, and what does it get you?

SCONE WATCH: UPDATE

From our anonymous source:
According to "Gloria" at Starbucks HQ, the phone lines have been jammed with people calling about the missing scones. There have been issues with the distributors, but they should be in stores next week.

SCONE WATCH: DAY 12

Friends, I have an important mission for you all. According to an email sent to the Starbucks distribution list*, pumpkin scones were supposed to arrive on Aug. 25th. It is now Sept. 5th, and they are nowhere to be found. I did see that they have the latte in stores now, so what gives? If any of you has any information regarding the whereabouts of the scones, or know anyone who does, please comment.
Thank you.
M Slash

*No, I am not on the Starbucks distribution email list. The person who is, however, would prefer to remain anonymous during this difficult time.

Overheard at Starbucks

Two young, female Democrats, discussing Sarah Palin's speech last night:
"I turned it off midway and DVR'd the rest, because I was like, 'OK, I have to do pilates right now, and I can't deal with this."

Sigh.

Move over, Jack Markell!

I have a new candidate to support for governor of Delaware! Is it too late to re-establish residency for the election?

Dark horse for governor a beer pong king