Searching has been much more fun ever since I discovered the "Elmer Fudd" language setting
Captain Kirk was better because he finds us cheap airfare and hotel rates
If someone you've just met refuses to get you a glowstick, he will eventually give in if you keep referring to him as "guy who wouldn't get me a glowstick."
McDonald's used to be racist against the Irish
My ode to silly hats will never make into our departmental newsletter (I even left room for it this quarter!)
Green apples make an excellent addition to a turkey sandwich
I am much better at trivia nights where the average age is under 35
Anyone who asks, after an hour of playing flipcup with no other drinking, "How does one know when one is drunk?" is NOT someone you want to be hanging out with later in the evening
I wish the Heat Miser were real, and that he'd save me from this damn season
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