I know you want to keep us in suspense regarding your upcoming deals, but trust me when I say that there is no need for your treasure chest and question mark when they are paired with "hints" that are clearly references to seasons of Friends. Please try again.
MTV’s The Situation recently released his long-awaited opus entitled Here’s the Situation: A Guide to Creeping on Chicks, Avoiding Grenades, and Getting in Your GTL on the Jersey Shore. In the coming days, I’ll post what I’m sure will be one of thousands of academic reviews.
Introduction The book opens, as so many great works do, with a quotation from another famous Italian. The lines chosen from Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations remind us of our own fleeting existence in this world, an existence that will most likely be forgotten by all in 100 years time. Will The Situation, like Aurelius himself, avoid such a fate? Will Here’s the Situation be recognized as one of the greatest collection of thoughts of our time? Will my first edition be worth millions one day? The Situation has given himself 133 pages to attain immortality.
Before beginning the main body of his work, Sitch (if I may be so cavalier as to use such an informal nickname in this review) addresses the first of what I’m sure will be many pressing issues in the Italian-American community: the use of the word “guido.” While he admits that it is not a word he employs frequently, he also champions the right his fellow Italians to reclaim the word, much like the GLBTQ community has reclaimed “queer.” In fact, he challenges Irish-Americans to find their own terminology to rally around by addressing this section to “Freckles McGee.” By doing so, he reminds the Irish of the racism they faced decades ago, and challenges their belief that they have been truly accepted as part of White society.
While he recognizes that guido can be used in a derogatory fashion, he rejects the idea that it is, by its nature, an insult. It is a word that is part of Italian-Americans themselves, representative of their lifestyle and heritage. Sitch argues that the spirit of guido goes back to youth, “To the days prehistoric kindergarten when we all thought the tooth fairy was alive.” (p. X) This quote raises fascinating questions: Those days of kindergarten, what made them “prehistoric”? Is The Situation making a subtle point about the loss of innocence? Was learning of the tooth fairy’s death so traumatizing for him that it marked the birth of his pessimistic view of life evidenced by the quotation that opened the book? Was the realization that such magic was not real so damaging to young Sitch that it led him down a path that resulted in the methodical training regimen he employs today? Having learned of the mortality of childhood figures, he perhaps set out to avoid his own mortality as long as possible.
Such an argument may seem farfetched, but let me add an additional piece of evidence. In the season two episode “Sleeping with the Enemy,” The Situation says the following regarding the unhealthy Sammi-Ronnie relationship: “And, uh, ya know, she just took it and smiled. Just like when you’re little and you want to believe Santa Claus is alive. F*ckin’ Santa Claus is dead.” Clearly, the wound is still raw for The Situation. He wonders why everyone won’t wake up and realize that Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and (we assume) the Easter Bunny are dead. Why do we cling to these figures? Are we afraid to see how the world really is? Only the Sitch knows that the truth will lead to our empowerment.
I'm in between kickball seasons, and have spent the past few days on a Netflix binge. Here's what I've watched since Friday:
Bridget Jones' Diary (STILL LOVE) Fever Pitch (the British version) Charlie Bartlett La Historia Oficial (because I'd never seen it, and felt I should, as I am a big fan of Argentina) The Tudors, Season 1 (not good, but oh so pretty)
Yes, it's been a varied selection, from 16th century England to today. I hadn't spent so much time engrossed in the Tudors since I wrote a report on Henry VIII for my 7th grade history class (I remember that he died on his half birthday, a fact I believed I closed my presentation with for no other reason than because I was 12). The movie is only historically accurate in the sense that England did have a king named Henry VIII who had many marriages, but, nonetheless, it is some enjoyable, cheesetastic viewing. Not since the memorable 2003 miniseries Kingpin has there been such a lolarious show with a cast full of gorgeous men.
If the bounty hunter had been tracking Sayid, and, presumably, knew he was a member of the Oceanic 6, wouldn't she also make it a point to know who the other 4 adults of the group were? If not for job purposes, than just out of curiosity when she took on the assignment? If so, then wouldn't she have noticed these people were on the same flight to Guam that she was about to board, and then understood and granted Sayid's wish to take the next plane?
I was going to try to go to bed early tonight, but now I can't because I looked at a screenshot of the creepy statue on LOST. I don't know why this freaks me the hell out, but GOOD GOD.
This season of Big Love has been so good it's making me reconsider the offer from the bartender at Hamilton's to call him so I can be his first wife. That's the one with all the power, people.
Monster Jam was, as expected, completely awesome. Except for Screamin' Deamon, which tried its best to suck the life out of the event. Grave Digger came away with the win, although the highlight of the night was the Quad Wars final, in which a member of Team NY knocked one of Team DC off his vehicle. There was a fight! That was worth the price of admission alone.
Also, I'm listening to Music on Demand (Party Favorites!), and they're currently playing "Pour Some Sugar on Me." One of the facts they're running across the screen is, "Def Leppard appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live in 2005."
Now, I will admit that I did not know that, but, really, is it important that I do? I guess to those behind Music on Demand it is, but I have my doubts that's it's one of the 20 or so most important things to know about Def Leppard.
"...said it is for everybody; from the devout Catholic to the casual web surfer."
I was expecting something a bit different at the end of that sentence. Unless no devout Catholics are casual web surfers, in which case I suppose it makes perfect sense.
It took me a long time to accept my first name. I've never been a huge fan, as it's a little too obscure (nothing weird, though, my parents were sane). In the past year or two, I've become OK with it, although there are still things I dislike.
First off, it sounds similar to other, more common names, and so when I introduce myself to someone in a loud area they often do a double-check, only with the wrong name. Sometimes I'll correct them, other times I don't bother. Hell, when am I going to see you again? That's right.
Second, and I know others of you out there with uncommon names can relate to this, did you ever want a personalized souvenir when you were little? Like, say, a toothbrush or a pen or one of those fake street signs? Toast got one of those when we were young. I won't reveal her name here, but let's just say the hospital probably had a betting pool on how many girls would be born on the floor with her name that year. A young child, I could not quite grasp why I couldn't have my own street sign as well. I have searched in vain in the years since, every time I venture into a souvenir shop I am drawn to the displays of license plates and keychains. Much like Bart in the clip below, I am often dumbfounded by some of the names on these things, while the thousands of people with my name are left to suffer.
Have you seen the Kay Jewelers ad with the guy giving his wife/girlfriend a watch for Christmas? I think this is even more depressing than the standard "man gives diamonds because they equal love" commercials of previous years. Is this a result of the economic crisis? Have the started airing the ads early this year to prepare women for the probable lack of diamonds under the tree? In this new reality, will women have to settle for engagement watches? At least they won't have to be re-sized!
If you'll allow me to indulge myself for a moment, the Latin Grammys are on tonight, so I thought I'd take the opportunity to post some songs from my favorite nominated artists from my favorite genre, el rock en español
Julieta Venegas, Ilusion
Molotov, Yofo
Babasonicos, Pijamas
And they're not nominated, but were last year, just released an album this week, and are my favorite band: Zoe, No Me Destruyas
As part of my ongoing quest to be the coolest person you know, I got home last night at 6, cooked myself some bacon, eggs and toast, and then went to sleep for 2 hours. I woke up long enough to watch the finale of The Office that I missed last spring and to make sure the Phillies won (woot!), and then promptly went back to bed. And by "bed" I mean the futon in my living room I've been sleeping on these past three weeks as my bedroom is still a work in progress. Actually, my entire apartment is still a work in progress, but I've now got one of the chairs from IKEA put together, so the number of people who can sit comfortably when visiting has increased by 33.3%. I hope to raise it at least another 25% this weekend, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Our second attempt at trivia went much better than the first, and our team is growing each week. My arch nemesis from the previous week failed to return, so I am declaring myself the victor in our feud.
In another note, I find myself enjoying those Jerry Seinfeld-Bill Gates ads, even though I'm not a big fan of either. I guess Microsoft understands that your ads should NOT make you seem obnoxious and arrogant. You can learn from them, Apple.
Every time I see the Family Guy where the old gentleman says he bought his pants on sale at Caldor, I crack up. My mother LOVED Caldor. There was one a three-minute drive from our house, and the day it turned into an Ames was a black one in the M Slash household. Nothing in that space has ever stayed; in my 25 years, it's been a Zayre, an Ames, Caldor, back to Ames, and now a Home Depot.
I think my favorite story about these changes comes from my mother's high school students circa 1990. She asked them to fill in a blank map of the world. One student relabeled Zaire as "Ames," since Zayre was now Ames. That's just the kind of fun you can't have with the Democratic Republic of the Congo.
Perhaps you've seen this AT&T ad with the cute kid sending her dad off with her stuffed monkey. Pretty sweet, right? That's what I thought for the first 11 seconds of the commercial, when I noticed something strange in the mother's grocery bag. Do you see what it is, Encyclopedia Brown? That's right. She's bought five baguettes. FIVE. Who buys five loaves of French bread? It's not something you stock up on! If you need one, you go to the store at 4:00 when the bakery puts out the fresh loaves. She doesn't appear to have purchased a lot of groceries this trip, so I'm assuming she's not hosting a girls' night. That leaves two possibilities: she's cheating on her husband, or she's an idiot. Wait, three: she dropped them all on the floor and was forced to purchase them. Not that I know anyone who's ever been in that situation.
