XXX-III=Me

I went out to dinner last night for a friend's birthday. She was celebrating her XXX birthday, an important lesson to us all that roman numerals can be used for more than stealing back your town's lemon tree. She chose one of our kickball bars for dinner, which may seem like a surprising move to some. That's understandable, as kickball bars are usually dive bars that smell like heavy amounts of bleach on a good day and beer-soaked, vomit-encrusted bad decisions on a bad day. This one, though, has surprisingly good food on the menu, and amazing food if you're lucky enough to be offered something off the menu.

For our party last night, the owner made us a six-course feast that was one of the best meals of my life. For hors d'oeuvres we had fried brussel sprouts, smoked salmon, prosciutto, and chorizo. The first course was a seafood bisque with scallops and shrimp, followed by a cabbage and radish salad with pupusas. For the third course, we had halibut with a spinach reduction and tabbouleh. The next courses were osso buco so tender the marrow could be eaten like soup, and then a rib eye with fried potatoes. Finally, there was a chocolate soufflé for dessert.

Now, I've never run a marathon. But I think that my experience last night was as long, difficult, and ultimately rewarding as one, if not more so. (This point was proven when our resident marathoner could not finish the rib eye, though perhaps she had begun her sprint to the end too soon when she cheered enthusiastically for the mass consumption of baby cow) And more exciting than the wonderful feeling in my stomach was the reminder that there is damn good cooking in this city, and not necessarily in the most recognized places.

Happy Veteran's Day, from Commie America

Last Saturday, I walked into the YMCA in downtown DC to see that the TV was set to Al Jazeera, as part of Obama's plan to make sure that's the only channel received by schools, churches, and community centers. I texted YOC, since she majored in terrorist studies, to learn that she had spent the morning at a Veteran's Day parade in...Florida, I think? (Can't keep up...somewhere in the South) Anyway, a parade that featured Shriners and assorted corporate mascots.

I had no idea towns still had parades for Veteran's Day, although I suppose we'll take any chance to honor our troops and McDonalds.

If that story doesn't summarize America, then I don't know what does.

They still make you?

Labor Day weekend was a great break from not laboring. I went to Dave and Busters for the first time and scored a sweet Jonas Brothers locked diary for 375 points.

A great addition to my life, I think.

Saturday was extra special, because I was left dumbfounded and speechless, something that does not occur often, let me tell you. I made an innocent comment about how my laffy-taffy fruit roll up thing looked like bacon, when one of my companions remarked, "eww...I hate bacon."

I may have spent the rest of the night staring at him and asking things like, "ALL bacon? Bacon bits? Turkey bacon? Why do you hate life? Are you suicidal?"

Seriously! Bacon! God's perfect food!

Dates

This post by Young Old Crone got me thinking about the dates I've gone on in the past year. There's been the guy who didn't like to do anything on the weekends, the guy with a unibrow, the guy who might be a bit racialist, and, my favorite, the guy(s) who thought it was a date when I didn't. Although that might be more my fault than theirs. Still made for an uncomfortable evening, though.

The worst, though, has been the ones who wish to impart some tidbits of knowledge to me. It may not be that they intended for me to interpret this as though they believe me to be an idiot, but, alas. From the post last week with Mr. "Colombia is a dangerous place" to the unibrow, who offered to read my graduate school admissions essays because, "It's always a good idea to have others review them." This, from a person who had told me, rather proudly, that he "only failed two classes in college." I believe my response to that boast was, "....okayyyy." Maybe it's because I tend to assume that everyone knows the same things I do (hence my disbelief when people didn't know what Bastille Day was), but "helpful" tips such as those just make me angry. Maybe because I then think that they imagine themselves as the worldly, intelligent man guiding a woman through the world. Maybe I read too much into it. Either way, it's the fasttrack to farewell-ville.

An email exchange

From: Cat
To: M Slash

I don't know why, but this made me think of your family...

via awkwardfamilyphotos.com:
"For Christmas my moms entire side of the family gets together. One Christmas when the family was exchanging gifts, my great aunt came over to thank me for the ornament I gave her. She said thank you then took a second look at me and my cousin sitting next to me and told us we’d make a cute couple. No one really knew what to say. Awkward."

From: M Slash
To: Cat

No, no...we're not allowed to marry our cousins anymore. It didn't turn out well.
Trufax.

From: Cat
To: M Slash

lol, I love your family.

BUT HOW DID SHE KNOW IT WAS ME?

Amanda and I find new ways to communicate:

20004: I'm sure the video team did a great job editing, but I second having written versions of the clues for those without the luxury of high-speed internet access, sound on our work computers, the patience to watch the videos, or a 3 hour car ride with Amanda on Friday.

washingtonpost.com: Moira, watch them and like them. Everyone else: there were a couple of chatters seconding the request for written versions. I'll consider putting up the script that we worked from, but I promise you, a written version isn't as much fun. You miss gems like the lady wondering if there is a ghost named Herbert.

Gene Weingarten: We need to write a book about a ghost named Herbert.

Our tax dollars at work!

The President and Founder of the Alabama chapter of the M Slash Fan Club brought something very important to my attention today: the CDC has e-cards!

Yes, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention has a selection of notes you can send to friends and family with encouraging messages. My favorites so far are this one (which goes nicely with this one), this one, because who the hell would you send that to?, and this one, because WTF?

Anyway, I can't believe someone thought this was a good idea. OK, maybe a few of the cards, but no one needs an e-card about syphilis.

Old fogey

I partied with high schoolers this weekend! Not intentionally.
I went to a house party Friday night, and we started playing flip cup in the garage with the door open. A random guy came up and asked if he could bring some friends in (they were clearly looking for a party). Since he looked like he could be about 19-20, the hosts said yes, figuring he meant 4-5 people.

Then came the onslaught.

About 15 kids crashed the party, rolling in with cans of Schlitz and 40s of Miller High Life. They were a friendly group, one of them even offering to share his Schlitz with me when I had to refill my cup for the game (I glanced at it and said, "Ha, no. Pass me the Beast." - No one said we were classy). We knew they were younger than we first thought, but didn't know HOW young until I mentioned that I'd be turning 26 this month. One of the kids said to his friend, "Whoa, she's 10 years older than me."

Yes. I wish I had gotten a picture of the face of one of the residents after this statement. My shoulder hurt for hours after his death grip of panic. After some freaking out, we threw them out of the house, save for one poor kid left in the bathroom, for whom we made a human wall stretching from the bathroom door to the exit.

I'm so old high schoolers think I'm old! At least they know people in their mid-20s still party! Some of us, at least.

FINALLY

I went to a DC United tailgate today organized by NAKID. And by tailgate I mean I did not leave the parking lot for the entire game. Why would I, when there was free food and beer? Who needs a soccer game when you've got that?

The highlight, though, was not the five kegs of Coors Light. Two tents down from us, someone had hung the flag of Cordoba province with the words, YO AMO RIO IV. I quickly spotted someone in an Argentine national team jersey, and kept my eye on him. About an hour later, I got a chance to talk to him, and, sure enough, he was from Cordoba. He complimented my Spanish (a bit generous of him) and, surprised that I knew of the town from which he came, gave me a free t-shirt. It's an XL, but who cares? FREE.

After the game ended, and Rob finished cooking burgers, we headed to H Street and hung out at The Pug, where I got free cheeseballs and saw a homeless man passed out in the men's room. It's an up-and-coming neighborhood.

Not a good showing

After the movie on Friday, some of us went to Atomic and played scattergories. With the letter J having been rolled, we proceeded down our lists. One prompt this round happened to be "people in the Bible." Joseph was the first to pop into my head, and other responses were Joshua and the popular "blank." We remarked on how difficult this round had been, why there weren't more Biblical names that started with J, until I suddenly exclaimed, "Oh my God...JESUS!"

The movie was good, btw

Friends, Jessica and I witnessed two very sad events on Friday at the theater in Silver Spring. We were standing in front of the concession stand, waiting for our friends to arrive, watching others go through the first ticket check.*

The first drama involved a group of girls, perhaps around 15. One of them, in either a show of stupidity or teenage arrogance, was holding a brown bag that I, some 25 feet away, could tell was from Chipotle. The ticket-taker, a young black man,** in his role as guardian of the sanctity of $4 hot dogs, referred her to the customer service stand on his right. The poor lass argued and argued, but to no avail. The saddest part of this tale? Her friend was carrying a purse big enough to carry a family-sized box of cereal, in the original packaging. I felt sorry for the girl, as, clearly, no one ever told her the secret to sneaking in food to the movies. Rule 1 being, of course, the "sneaking" aspect.

Shortly after the girl's failed attempt to salvage her dinner, we spotted our friend. She was second in line, behind a young African-American gentleman. The man in front of her had a backpack on, and this aroused the suspicion of the ticket-taker. Jess and I watched as the customer held his bag out to be searched for any contraband snacks. At this point, we were fearful. Why? Because our friend (let's call her "Bailey") also had a backpack with her. In contrast to that of the person in front of her, hers was filled with...well, let's say with drinks that you can't buy at this particular theater. Jess, always an empathizer, turned around saying she couldn't watch this. I, intrigued with the process, continued snacking on pretzal bites and taking in the scene.

What happened? I think you know, readers. Bailey was let through without a glance at her bag. We had witnessed racial profiling. Not only regular racial profiling, but black-on-black racial profiling! Performed by someone in the same age group as the victim! I was appalled.

*Why do they have two? Why must you show your ticket before the concession stand and then again to enter the movie area?

**This is an important detail.

AJ, Biff, and Punchy

A gchat conversation, in which we discuss baseball, presidents, and fruit drinks:


BFF’S BF: an oriole trounces the liberty bell
ugh but the nats are lame. i hate that. dc and its having to name teams
capitals, nationals is lame
ugh and the president races
teddy roosevelt 0 wins :-(
me: well...I don't want to admit how long it took me to realize the sixers are named for 1776
BFF’S BF: HA really?
me: yes
BFF’S BF: im surprised
and im not gonna lie
disappointed
me: ha
BFF’S BF: u let me down
ur better than that
me: i know!
but so is T Roosevelt
and look at him
they should introduce FDR. have him race around in a wheelchair
BFF’S BF: i blame the shape of his head
BFF’S BF: the rest are long
his is wide
wind resistance
or the asshole in the suit is slow as hell
i'll train and race
Win every time
me: i know he's flipping out about this
the man was not a loser
BFF’S BF: they should introduce
american lion. aka, Andrew Jackson
me: he'd just shoot everyone
BFF’S BF: i know
me: or order them sent on a march of death
BFF’S BF:the presidential trail of tears
me: when I was 6, we went to DC
I got presidential flashcards. AJ scared the HELL out of me
BFF’S BF: i like where this is going
me: my mom had to take him out of the deck
BFF’S BF: hahaha taft didn scare u
me: he was just fat. AJ was all scarred and stuff. crazy hair. just look at a $20
BFF’S BF: haha he does look like a war torn doc from back to the future
me: haha
yes
trying to find his delorean. that the cherokee stole
BFF’S BF: haha has to have a duel with biff
and then find love in the west. the 3rd one was such crap. doc had a girl. and a train. count me out on the fun
me: i like the second one
hoverboards!
BFF’S BF: haha yeah
i always liked biff's lacky
with the 3d glasses
american badass
poor grant
those commericals with the bill guys jackson, franklin and grant creep me out
franklin is the creepiest
me: i love ben franklin
BFF’S BF: no way
me: remember that office episode? he was such a whore
BFF’S BF: a wise whore
me: the best kind
BFF’S BF: whatev if u and i went back in time
i would be like wheres m slash
find u in franklins harem
me: damn straight!
philadelphia love
BFF’S BF: thats cool i would be hookin up with betsy ross. knit me a flag bitch!
me: haha what
BFF’S BF: HAHAHAHAHA
me: why is kool-aid man holding a pitcher of kool-aid? isn't that a little disturbing?
BFF’S BF: bc he cant serve himself. he's the boss no one drinks him
me: i think he's actually their god
BFF’S BF: haha
remember the clear kool aid man mugs
they were like early frost mugs
awesome
that and ecto kool. fond parts of my childhood
me: ecto cooler! yes
BFF’S BF: so good
my grandma always had it
i need to ask her why she doenst get juice boxes anymore
me: or some hawaiian punch
in the cans
BFF’S BF: oh man. how bout a nice hawaiian punch
SURE
then he would knock u out
BFF’S BF:yummmmmmm
me: 50% fruit juice!
BFF’S BF: The Hi-C products used to be the color implied by their flavor, but in 2002, Hi-C was re-introduced as a yellowish clear beverage that would not stain clothing. Thus, flavors like Shoutin' Orange Tangergreen lost their distinctive colors.
ugh kids today. no wonder they shoot up schools and are bratty bitches on sweet 16
always placated to. guess what- when i was a kid-spill ur juice box on ur shirt
f it. grass stains would soon join them. Mud, cuts, like when i would go down to the creek, and my mom would get pissed. “were u at the creek” wet shoes and mud everywhere. catching crawfish. awesome
me: "Ecto Cooler (renamed Shoutin' Orange Tangergreen in 2001, then later renamed Crazy Citrus Cooler in 2006, Finally discontinued in 2007)"
me: check out this amazingly scholarly look at "punchy"
me: “Understanding that his punch is central to his identity, we explored in depth how the punch connected with the audience and what it said to them. Our conclusion recognized Punchy’s punch as a metaphor for overwhelming refreshment rather than an act of physical violence, suggesting a number of acceptable ways to approach it without diluting its authenticity.”
me: i'm going to start punching people
and say it's a metaphor for overwhelming refreshment
for me
BFF’S BF: haha

Enjoy!

It's rather well known amonst my friends and family that I enjoy a good dose of Phil Collins. Well, Toast messaged me today to inform me that it is his birthday! My BFF's BF and I had some fun on gchat:

M Slash: 1/30/1951 - Phil Collins, English musician
BFF's BF: hhaa YES!
M Slash: when I get home, I'm going to blast some jams
BFF's BF: theres a girl thats been on my mind
ALL THE TIME
M Slash: sususudio
BFF's BF: hahah
gimmie a chance, gimmie a sign
i'll show her any time
M Slash: sususudiooooooo

And so, I'd like to dedicate this post to "PC".

Sussudio


In the Air Tonight


Something Happened on the Way to Heaven


Invisible Touch

GRAVE DIGGER!

Monster Jam was, as expected, completely awesome. Except for Screamin' Deamon, which tried its best to suck the life out of the event. Grave Digger came away with the win, although the highlight of the night was the Quad Wars final, in which a member of Team NY knocked one of Team DC off his vehicle. There was a fight! That was worth the price of admission alone.

Also, I'm listening to Music on Demand (Party Favorites!), and they're currently playing "Pour Some Sugar on Me." One of the facts they're running across the screen is, "Def Leppard appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live in 2005."

Now, I will admit that I did not know that, but, really, is it important that I do? I guess to those behind Music on Demand it is, but I have my doubts that's it's one of the 20 or so most important things to know about Def Leppard.

Question!

What does one wear to a monster truck rally? I'm thinking jeans, sure; my American flag hat, obviously; but what else? I'm trying to find the perfect t-shirt.

This may make me late for work.

ALSO: story.
There's a team in my kickball league called "Kickstart my Heart". Last week, I asked someone from this team why no one ever requests "Kickstart my Heart" from the DJ. His response?

"Is that a song?"

Kids today.

D-E-A-D

As you may know, I am an Eagles fan. Therefore, it was with great disappointment and sadness that I watched them lose to the Cardinals this evening. I sent out many mass text messages throughout the game, and the last one simply said, "sob."

I received four responses. Guess which one was sent by someone who is now dead to me:

1) :( Sorry for your team
2) Ouch!
3) I am sorry for your loss
4) Today is a good day.

Let us speak of him no longer.

SHOOT IT, JEFFRIES!

A friend and I had court-side seats to the Wizards/Knicks game tonight (we were on the TV!), and the subject line of this post was one of the many things that Brendan Haywood did to endear himself to me. The first were the lovely matching velvet jackets that he and DeShawn Stevenson were wearing (Brendan was in brown, and DeShawn in purple, with a spectacular bow tie...as soon as I get the pictures uploaded I shall share). Mr. Haywood then yelled at someone, "HEY! I sent you a friend request!"

He is my new favorite NBA player.

An email I received today

"I'm sorry that my hairy back bothers you so much.

But on a side note, I have never met anyone who had such an affinity for Burger King..."

Angry-gram!

Recent comments about M/

"You have a few rockstar qualities about you."
"Why do you boo the Starve?"
"LAME"
"I feel like I got run over by a big truck of fun."
"It must suck being an Eagles fan and knowing they suck more than the Redskins."
"...Sorry, I was giggling. KICKBALL?"
"Why do you need that extra " i " if you're not going to use it?"

Some realizations I've had lately

Searching has been much more fun ever since I discovered the "Elmer Fudd" language setting

Captain Kirk was better because he finds us cheap airfare and hotel rates

If someone you've just met refuses to get you a glowstick, he will eventually give in if you keep referring to him as "guy who wouldn't get me a glowstick."

McDonald's used to be racist against the Irish

My ode to silly hats will never make into our departmental newsletter (I even left room for it this quarter!)

Green apples make an excellent addition to a turkey sandwich

I am much better at trivia nights where the average age is under 35

Anyone who asks, after an hour of playing flipcup with no other drinking, "How does one know when one is drunk?" is NOT someone you want to be hanging out with later in the evening

I wish the Heat Miser were real, and that he'd save me from this damn season