Why

Is Disney selling eggs?

Go Eagles!

I went out to the Crystal City Sports Pub on Saturday to watch the Colts-Chargers game, and was disturbed by the behavior of some of the other patrons. The game stayed close the entire time, and ended up going into overtime. Why, then, did half of the place clear out between the two minute warning and the start of OT? Who the hell decides that's a great time to leave? It's not like you're at a stadium and have to beat the traffic (which wouldn't be acceptable in this case, anyway), and it wasn't a school night. If you can commit to the first three hours, you can commit to half an hour more. Jebus.

OK ! (?)

When did people start putting spaces before punctuation marks, specifically exclamation points? I've seen many an email lately that looks like this: Thanks !

I'm baffled. It seems to be affecting people of various age groups and with high levels of education. It's not even an over correction, like when people say they "feel badly" instead of "feel bad" because they think the adverb is the right way to go.* Since there's no common punctuation mark that I can think of that needs a space before it, I don't understand where it's coming from.

*It isn't, by the way. If you regret something, you feel bad about it. If you have problems feeling, then you feel badly.

HUGE MISCONCEPTION

I have heard two different DC residents in the last month say that their vote doesn't count because DC has no electoral vote. Where the hell is this idea coming from? Scratch that, I know the answer: those license plates that say "Taxation Without Representation". People! That just means we have no votes in the Senate or House! DC has 3 electoral votes, the same as Delaware, and your vote on Tuesday helps determine who gets them. Now, if you want to argue that your vote will not matter, that's another story. But go vote!

Question

This has been bothering my lately: When you go to the dentist, is it not common practice to make your next appointment while there? I've always done so, and the secretary at my current dentist even brings the appointment book into the room while I'm in the chair. In April, however, my uncle expressed astonishment that I already knew I had a dental appointment in July. My cousin has even accused me of having an affair with my dentist (he's a great guy, don't get me wrong, but not my type. And we have the same last name, so we're probably related). I've done some unscientific polling, and have gotten mixed results, so I'm just wondering.

BTW, I'm headed back in early February. In case you cared.

I want my shoes!

I ordered something from Amazon, and got an email on Thursday saying that it had shipped. There was no information from FedEx until Friday, and please look at its journey:

Date	Time	Location	Event Details
October 3, 2008	06:57:00 PM	WASHINGTON DC	Arrival Scan
October 3, 2008	07:43:00 AM	WASHINGTON DC	Shipment has left seller facility and is in transit

Even if they were delivering it on foot from the other side of the city, it shouldn't take 11 hours.

UPDATE: OH GOOD LORD:
October 4, 2008 10:53:00 AM WASHINGTON DC Arrival Scan
October 3, 2008 06:57:00 PM WASHINGTON DC Arrival Scan
October 3, 2008 07:43:00 AM WASHINGTON DC Shipment has left seller facility and is in transit

Someone help me!

Quick question:
Why the hell has everyone from Malvern moved to DC? At least the gentleman last night looked appalled when I mentioned I've been to Maddie's.

Anyone want it?

Regarding my sister's comment to my post about the weird dreams I've been having lately, I think she's onto something there. I've never been one to believe in ghosts or the like, but it would explain the mystery of the turkey from last Thanksgiving.

See, no one in the family offered to host the holiday, and since I suddenly had a house with no one living in it, I decided to have the celebration there. My aunt arranged to arrive early with the turkey so I wouldn't have to worry about buying or roasting one.

I had spent quite a few weekends previous to the holiday at the house, and one of the first things I did was to clean out the fridge and freezer. I left butter and bread in there, and perhaps a popsicle or two. That was it. When I woke up Thanksgiving morning, however, there was a turkey sitting on the top shelf of the freezer. I swear to God that had not been there the night before, and everyone I asked promised they didn't drop one off overnight.

I still have no explanations for that turkey, but maybe someone couldn't stop himself from making one last trip to the Acme. If I come home one day to find iced tea, pretzels, and peach ice cream, I'll know for sure.

SCONE WATCH: UPDATE

From our anonymous source:
According to "Gloria" at Starbucks HQ, the phone lines have been jammed with people calling about the missing scones. There have been issues with the distributors, but they should be in stores next week.

SCONE WATCH: DAY 12

Friends, I have an important mission for you all. According to an email sent to the Starbucks distribution list*, pumpkin scones were supposed to arrive on Aug. 25th. It is now Sept. 5th, and they are nowhere to be found. I did see that they have the latte in stores now, so what gives? If any of you has any information regarding the whereabouts of the scones, or know anyone who does, please comment.
Thank you.
M Slash

*No, I am not on the Starbucks distribution email list. The person who is, however, would prefer to remain anonymous during this difficult time.

HELP NEEDED

The past couple of times I've been to Wawa, I haven't been able to find coconut junior Tastykakes. Does anyone know if they stopped making them? I need more information before I spend too much postage on my letter writing campaign.

Question

If buying a knockoff purse from a street vendor is supporting the terrorists, then is buying a knockoff Obama for President hat from a street vendor doubly supporting the terrorists?

3/4 Life Crisis

Yesterday, I received a notice in the mail with the following message:

"You will soon be in a unique position when you turn 65. You will be in your 'Open Enrollment' period. This means you can choose any Medigap, Medicare Advantage, or Prescription Drug plan without medical questions. The right choices can save you hundreds of dollars each year. Don't delay, you only have one 'Open Enrollment.'
Information provided by: Medicare Supplement Insurance Services"

The first thought I had was: "My God, I'm 64, and what the hell have I done with my life?"

But that was quickly followed by the realization that someone owes me three years of Social Security.

Blame Patrick Henry, I guess

According to Wikipedia, the correct way to refer to the Governor of Virginia is "His Excellency." Why stop there? Why not go the whole hog and use "His Highness"? Or "His Holiness"?

UPDATE
It appears that 11 (ELEVEN!) states use this title. Thank God I've only lived in rational, sane states: Delaware and Maryland.

Huh?

Someone please explain this picture to me:

I cannot get past this

Perhaps you've seen this AT&T ad with the cute kid sending her dad off with her stuffed monkey. Pretty sweet, right? That's what I thought for the first 11 seconds of the commercial, when I noticed something strange in the mother's grocery bag. Do you see what it is, Encyclopedia Brown?
That's right.
She's bought five baguettes. FIVE. Who buys five loaves of French bread? It's not something you stock up on! If you need one, you go to the store at 4:00 when the bakery puts out the fresh loaves. She doesn't appear to have purchased a lot of groceries this trip, so I'm assuming she's not hosting a girls' night. That leaves two possibilities: she's cheating on her husband, or she's an idiot. Wait, three: she dropped them all on the floor and was forced to purchase them.
Not that I know anyone who's ever been in that situation.