I guess they may as well try

I've never been to the Netherlands, but I doubt that all of France will fit in The Hague.

THEY'RE COMING FOR US!

My boss mentioned this article in passing today, with only a note of mild interest. I wonder how many others will regard this fact as simply a neat discovery? Have none of you seen Planet of the Apes? Now that Charlton Heston's no longer with us, the primates clearly think we're weak and ripe for conquest.

Boycott!

As I've gotten older, I've started eating more oatmeal. I've also gotten grumpier and more prone to complaining. This combination has led to the following issue:

Have you ever purchased a variety box of fruit and cream oatmeal? Have you noticed the counts of each flavor? There are, invariably, 2 strawberry, 2 blueberry, 2 banana, and 4 peach. This is a problem for me, as I enjoy all the flavors BUT peach. I can buy a whole box of strawberries and cream, but they don't sell blueberry and banana in any other packaging. This is especially significant because I've found that dry blueberries and cream oatmeal mixed with yogurt tastes like Fruity Pebbles, and, as such, would prefer to eat this combination rather often. If they would change it to 4 strawberry and 2 peach, I'm sure they would not suffer from a decline in sales, as, let's face it, who the hell prefers peaches to strawberries?*

Well, I once got fed up of having packages and packages of peaches and cream oatmeal left over and sent a helpful suggestion to the people at Quaker Oats. They claim that they have no market data to support my argument. I call BS, and have staunchly refused to purchase their products since.

I also now understand why my father refused to send me to Friends.


*If you do, in fact, prefer peaches to strawberries, please stop reading this blog. You are clearly not someone with whom I wish to associate.

Neglected, as always

My cousin and his wife put together a nice family calendar each year, with all of our birthdays and anniversaries marked. We’re a rather large group, so this helps us all keep track of who celebrates what and when.

Now, my birthday is on an awkward date. If it falls on a weekend, as it did this year, it ends up being Memorial Day weekend, so most people are out of town or preoccupied with other things. Therefore, it’s always nice when people remember to wish me a happy birthday. I certainly didn’t expect ALL of my family to call/email/send a card, but, I thought to myself, surely my four sets of aunts and uncles would mark the occasion! Especially since they’ve had almost a whole month of seeing it on the calendar! And definitely to celebrate a milestone birthday of their youngest niece!

Well, the day came and went, and three of these couples did congratulate me on another year well-lived. The other pair? “Well,” I thought, “they’re older. Maybe they misplaced the calendar. Or perhaps they put it somewhere out of the way. I’m sure they have a reason.” You see, this is just how understanding and forgiving a person I am.

Cut to three weeks later, and I’m celebrating Father’s Day with this particular aunt and uncle. I say something about how my birthday had just passed, and my uncle says, “Oh, yeah, I saw that.”
…
…
I’ve since come to find out that they keep the calendar on the fridge. I can just imagine the conversation they had back in May:
"Oh, look, M Slash’s birthday is this Saturday."
"Really? How about that...what do we have coming up next week, anything?"

There was also a lot of big band music

People often ask me what it was like growing up with older parents. I don’t know what to compare it to, so I just say it was normal. What made my childhood different, I think, was that my father was retired, and therefore stayed home with me every day. He was very much a man of routine, and every weekday until I went to school full-time we followed the same schedule. We would go to the park, where I would enjoy the swings and slides and he would enjoy the cigars that he wasn’t allowed to smoke in the house. On the ride back home, we would make stops at the Acme, the cigar store, and, if the horses were running that day, his bookie. Oddly, I was never allowed out of the car for that one.
After lunch? I was given a choice: we could watch either The Rockford Files or Perry Mason. If I didn’t want to see either, I could go upstairs and read. This probably explains why I went through so many books as a child. And also why I’m so fond of James Garner.

I will never understand the South

While Jess and I were waiting for Jon outside the pub Saturday evening, we saw a car with three young gentlemen coming down the road. All of a sudden, we heard a voice saying, "Holla at them!" and then someone yelling that it was his friend's birthday. I wished him a happy birthday, and then, as I suppose is customary in Virginia, one of them flashed his nipple at us.
We then decided to wait inside.

$1.35 per block

I'm going to a metro stop today that I've never been to before, so I went to the WMATA website to figure out how long it would take. I put in the Friendship Heights station as the starting point, and this was the first portion of the itinerary I was given:

BUS:
DEPARTS FROM: NW Wisconsin and NW Western AV
AT: 4:45 PM

ARRIVES: Friendship Heights Station
AT: 4:45 PM

For non-metro area people, the Friendship Heights stop is located at NW Wisconsin and NW Western Avenues. I know you need to raise revenues, Metro, but there must be better ways.

Question

If buying a knockoff purse from a street vendor is supporting the terrorists, then is buying a knockoff Obama for President hat from a street vendor doubly supporting the terrorists?

3/4 Life Crisis

Yesterday, I received a notice in the mail with the following message:

"You will soon be in a unique position when you turn 65. You will be in your 'Open Enrollment' period. This means you can choose any Medigap, Medicare Advantage, or Prescription Drug plan without medical questions. The right choices can save you hundreds of dollars each year. Don't delay, you only have one 'Open Enrollment.'
Information provided by: Medicare Supplement Insurance Services"

The first thought I had was: "My God, I'm 64, and what the hell have I done with my life?"

But that was quickly followed by the realization that someone owes me three years of Social Security.

He may be a bit of an attention whore

I was home alone the other night, and, since we only have another month left together, thought the cat and I could have some quality time. He wasn't anywhere to be seen, so I called and called his name. He finally walked to the bottom of the steps and gave me a look that clearly said, "Jesus Christ, WHAT? Is the house on fire? Did someone die? Did I run out of food?" No amount of calling could get him up the steps, until I said, "I showed your picture to people at work today, and they all commented on how handsome you are!" He then raced up the stairs to hear more about his adoring fans.